Day +2 Health Score 77
Today has been a quiet day. I sat and looked at Barbie's empty chair after she left. I was sleeping most of the morning while she was here and now I am awake. That's not fair. But it is always nicer when she is around. Nothing much has changed for me yet. My white blood cell count is only now beginning to drop, but it is still in the normal range and my hematocrit went up to 29% after the transfusion.
I sit and think a lot. I did a little writing today. However, I fear that I write like I think; which mostly consists of random associations and patterns that make sense only in the context of my memories, but would likely be incoherent to anyone else. I hope in time I could bring some order to my contextual chaos.
I was pleased to be visited this morning by some elders from my church that came by to give me the Sacrament. They were from a local ward (congregation) near here. The gentlemen was a bit forward, however, as he came in my room and said he saw my name on a list of LDS patients and began to proceed. I felt the need to at least tell him who I was and why I was here. Notwithstanding, I truly felt the Spirit and was so very grateful for their dedication in coming to help me, a stranger.
It brought to my mind the difference between administering and ministering. To administer in one's duty, to fulfill your responsibility, is an important part in serving any group or individual. Certain people are quite adept at administration; efficient, organized and focused. However, to minister is vital as well. There are times when a suffering soul only needs to be heard. Not only the concerns they voice, but also their unuttered fears. This is not uniquely relegated to the ecclesiastical realm, but is necessary in all professions. How often have I administered the diagnosis or treatment to my patient in an efficient and focused approach, ignoring there greater need for clarity and understanding? Ministering cannot be rushed, but always requires intent listening. You cannot minister to someone you don't care about. It occurs between individuals not between groups.
I am so grateful for the lessons that I continue to learn from this experience. I hope, from this, to be a better doctor to my patients. That I will not fall back on old habits and always remember whom I serve.
I miss you and love you.
Kevin and Barbie, I continue to be amazed at what you are going through. All of the miracles you have talked about are hard to grasp. I admire you (as always) for your faith and strength, and love you both so much. We continue to pray for you all. Know that we are thinking of you at all times. Love, Mary Jane
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