Friday, March 20, 2009

fighting off infection

When I arrived this morning Kevin was asleep and on oxygen. It turns out he does have pneumonia, but they caught it early and started him on high doses of antibiotics that specifically target the lungs so all should be well soon. He is still not eating, just a little ensure now and again.
I had a break down in the car this morning. I guess I should rephrase that. My car didn't break down, I did. Eventually your body just says, enough. I cried it out while driving. This has been a long road and I think I am tired. The car seems to be a safe place for me to cry; some may disagree. I am alert and careful, I promise. Everywhere else I want to be strong and together. Mostly I am. It's just hard to see Kevin suffering so and to be far from home. I miss my girls and I wish I could there to see Ty and his family. Tyler is six and the son of our good friends who was just diagnosed with Wilms tumor, type 4. Tyler had a long day of surgery and will have an even longer road ahead with chemo and radiation. We are praying for the family.

Kevin is optimistic still and fighting this as he knows how. He sits up in a chair to help the lungs open and take deeper breaths. He hasn't said much today except, "People volunteer to do this?" He's right, but in his case, as in many others, there ARE no other options.

Have a good day,



Anonymous said...

Dear Barbie, it's very important for you to cry those tears out, rather than storing them inside. You can get rid of them & hopefully some of the fear, so you can be more yourself again. This is demanding on the spouse - just in a different way than on the patient. You are both in my prayers by the moment.
love, Aunt Renie

dboat said...

Barbie, I have found myself doing the same thing in the car when I am alone driving home from the hospital. Hang in there. We love you. Don

Scott, Tauna and Camille said...

Hey Barbie - my niece had a Wilms tumor when she was 5. She's now a very active and healthy girl. When we went to Peru to Macchu Picchu - she hiked to the tippy top of Huaina picchu! Please tell your friends, "this too shall pass". I know they are afraid right now and things are tense. But they'll make it through this. And for you guys, my prayers are with you and I'm following the progress on the blog. Give our love to Kevin. And a huge hug to you! Love you!

Patty Kuntzmann said...

Dear Barbie, It is important to cry. If you don't let it out, it builds and eventually comes out anyway and usually is much harder when it does. We love you and are here if you need anything.... anything at all. I can come over and sit with Kevin or you, just name it.
You are in our prayers, daily!
Love you both!

Unknown said...

Dear Barbie,
Thanks for giving us the unfiltered version, ie. a "non-medical" persons view. I think those of us in the medical/nursing professions can quite easily go into our clinical/analytical mode when necessary... it's a little safer that way, when things are so frightening. Having cared for patients, post SCT I remember how very ill they can be. I also have seen them come through to the other side. It's a rough ride.Thank you too for sharing your pain, I'm sure it is therapeutic to get it out on "paper". Tears help so much just so we can go on and face the next hours/days. You all continue to be in my prayers and now little Tyler and family as well.

Wendy said...

love you barbie :)

lovelaughtermusic said...

Ooooh Barbie, I can't imagine how exhausting/challenging/strengthening/frightening all this is. You've been at this for a long time without a real break; no wonder you're drained! You're both in my prayers and I know there's a warm, sandy beach waiting for you at the end of this tunnel. Hang in there, Sweetie.