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Thursday, August 7, 2008

Life Decisions

I found in my life that the most difficult decisions to make are those that are between two goods. Everyday I am here with Kevin is closer to the time that I need to leave him for Samuel's wedding. I wouldn't miss his wedding; I couldn't miss his wedding. And yet, I am also struggling with leaving Kevin. I know Kevin will be fine and I know that if a heart is available while I am away, he will be in good hands. Of course, I wish we both could be with Sam & Michelle, but going without him is starting to feel heavy on me. A good cry always does one well. We can't be "strong" all the time; we were given opposition for a reason. I am not leaving until next Tuesday night and then driving to San Diego Wednesday morning. It just hit me this morning that it will be here soon. I will enjoy being with our family again and seeing Jeremy & Alexandria and Samuel & Michelle. I look forward to also being with friends who will join us. I guess I'm feeling that if I address my feelings now that my flood gates will be under control at the wedding. I don't want to spoil something beautiful. Funny thing is that I do feel strong most of the time and that last time I cried was on Friday when we arrived at Kaiser Santa Clara. I felt much better after (crying in my car). And I am starting to feel better now as I am rambling. I know a lot of people are reading this blog and as a usually private person, I am not worried at all who reads this. We feel fortunate to have this means of communication to release and inform.
Thank you to everyone for your continued support.

Barbie

8 comments:

Emma and Dan said...

We love you guys!!!

Allison said...

Anything I can do to help you prepare for your trip? We are just hanging out close to home. Is Caitlin set for school? Does she need any last minute things? Just wanting to help if I can. You know how to reach me if you need anything. Just thinking about you.
Allison

tomas1348 said...

Life is always a journey good or bad, rich or poor, happy or sad. But we make it our own personal journey in the pursuit of happiness, not only for ourselves but for others. When I was diagnosed Hiv+ almost 10 years ago I thought my life was over right then and now. Today at 60 I am as healthy and happy as I can be. I have new goals in life, keep working, eat well, exercise, and get my blood work done regularly. My political goal also is to Fight for Equality for all Peoples. That is what keeps me going and just staying focused, talking the talk and walking the walk. I love you Barbie stay strong as I've always known you. Kevin I know you through my family and I want you to know that I really admire you for your courage and for been good to my niece. I love you both and good luck with the jouney. Uncle Tommy.

Dana said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Dana said...

A good cry seems to cleanse your body and the mind. Cry, get it out and then move forward. You are strong, and I am sure you getting to know a whole new you that you did not know was there. We are all stronger than we think. Remember that the Savior loves you and Kevin, and your family. We all love you too. Please let us know how Craig and I can be of use to you. We love you!!!

2ndHeartBeat said...

I have been reading your blog for the past couple of weeks.

You are on the right path and you will prevail. At times this can be a long journey.

In regard to patience, or lack thereof ..... I've always been a patient person and my wife ~ well, not so much. A patient patient is a good thing, it's needed to remain calm. The impatient caregiver is a good balance. :-)

Be well, my friends.

Darlene Anderson said...

I love that you're sharing your thoughts and feelings with us; I feel it's drawing us all closer to each other. I think this is another one of the "silver linings" in a seemingly "dark cloud". I imagine you feel sorrow about Kevin's medical condition and excitement, tinged by grief, about your children marrying. (I felt some grief about my children moving on and my role changing.) I don't think being strong means being without feeling. When I'm full of feelings and am having difficulty sorting them out, I journal. No, not the one my kids will see, just on binder paper. I "free write" my feelings allowing them to come forward. It really helps and then, of course, I destroy the paper. I pray for you and your family every day and know angels are attending you. Darlene

Anonymous said...

Barbie,

Easier said than done sometimes, but things ALWAYS have a way of working out. When you have hind sight instead of your present forsight, you will be amazed at how everything just worked out for the best. We love you guys. Hang in there. Love, The Reichert's