Tuesday, August 12, 2008

I miss her

She's only been gone a few hours and already I miss her so much. Barbie needed to leave to go to Samuel and Michelle's wedding in San Diego. We haven't been away from each other for almost a month. I didn't really understand how her constant presence gives me such strength. I have learned over the years that a life-threatening illness is much harder for the spouse than for the patient. If a short, brief absence makes me feel like this, a permanent one would be incomprehensible. I have to get better so I can be with her for as long as possible. This is why I must stay here while Barbie goes to San Diego. Each one of us must sacrifice so that we can realize this blessing.

Music makes it worse. Music uncovers the raw emotions that intellect has buried. While listening to Pandora.com, songs like "Make this go on forever" by Snow Patrol would be followed by "Better Days" by the Goo Goo dolls. The cumulative emotional wave would sweep me away into past memories and future hopes.

Barbie's presence keeps me in the present. In her absence there is only the future when she returns.

I am so blessed to have her forever.



Lisa M said...
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Lisa M said...

Is there an address which I can send a letter to you at the hospital. Your blogs are amazing. You give us inspirations when we should be giving it to you.

I will do my best to take some pictures and video of the wedding so Matt can create a nice video.

Love your sister Lisa

Anonymous said...

My prayers, faith and hope are with you and Barbie constantly...Know that you are loved by many. Having been the spouse, know that all of Barbie's love and energy are with you while she is away from you. Stay positive - I already know how determined you are!
Judy Grabert

Felisha Coltrin said...

Kevin, I wanted you to know what a stellar example of a husband and father you have always been for me. I have many memories from when I lived with you guys. I was so touched when you would leave love notes for Barbie. Come home from a long day of surgery and do the dishes and of course declare a nation holiday for her!! I have been one of the many people blessed by your example and devotion to your wife. Watching the two of you helped me to see that I couldn't accept anything less. Thank-you!!