She's only been gone a few hours and already I miss her so much. Barbie needed to leave to go to Samuel and Michelle's wedding in San Diego. We haven't been away from each other for almost a month. I didn't really understand how her constant presence gives me such strength. I have learned over the years that a life-threatening illness is much harder for the spouse than for the patient. If a short, brief absence makes me feel like this, a permanent one would be incomprehensible. I have to get better so I can be with her for as long as possible. This is why I must stay here while Barbie goes to San Diego. Each one of us must sacrifice so that we can realize this blessing.
Music makes it worse. Music uncovers the raw emotions that intellect has buried. While listening to Pandora.com, songs like "Make this go on forever" by Snow Patrol would be followed by "Better Days" by the Goo Goo dolls. The cumulative emotional wave would sweep me away into past memories and future hopes.
Barbie's presence keeps me in the present. In her absence there is only the future when she returns.
I am so blessed to have her forever.