Thursday, June 25, 2009

A little lost

I am really sick and I don't know why. It is one thing to suffer the side-effects of treatments that you hope will make you better. However, I thought that I was done with that. I am so weak it is hard to move. It could be a virus, or the amyloidosis is now affecting my gut. I have no appetite. I have very little motivation. I am using all of my energy to hold on to hope; since ultimately, that is the only thing we have.

This is not a result of me going back to work, I have been like this for almost two months. It's just getting worse. Returning to work was wonderful. At work, I must always remember that I am the doctor and not the patient. As I tried to explain to a patient yesterday that at age 77 he need not worry too much about the prospect of prostate cancer he interrupted, "Stop right there, Doc, I plan on living to 107, don't you?" I stopped myself from saying what I wanted to, and instead said, "That's a great goal, don't ever give it up."

In the past, every time I felt really sick I would wonder, 'will I get better?' I always did. I have to believe that I will.


Health Score 62


Wendy said...

It is hard to read these kinds of posts...but I'm so grateful you share it all. We love are included in our prayers. :)

rebecca said...

thats a mighty low health score dad. i really really hope you feel better soon!

The Ironman said...

Our family is thinking of you and you are always in our prayers. We just got your message from the other night. Thanks so much for answering a few of our questions about Max.

We hope you feel better soon!

The Summerhays Family

Tippi said...

Hugs Kevin I will continue to pray for you.

ramfan said...

Just sending a lil prayer your way The Sheets Gang is thinking of you always!

Aunt Renie said...

I'm amazed that you feel well enough to start back to work! And also delighted that you have the energy to do so. May all whose lives you have touched send you healing energy today. And tomorrow!
love, Aunt Renie

ben said...

Thank-you for your posts Uncle Kevin. I think you often, but seldom know what to post...this morning I was listening to Crosby, Stills and Nash's "Southern Cross" and I had to laugh. I really think you are right about Stephen Stills looking for a "Mormon girl."