I am really sick and I don't know why. It is one thing to suffer the side-effects of treatments that you hope will make you better. However, I thought that I was done with that. I am so weak it is hard to move. It could be a virus, or the amyloidosis is now affecting my gut. I have no appetite. I have very little motivation. I am using all of my energy to hold on to hope; since ultimately, that is the only thing we have.
This is not a result of me going back to work, I have been like this for almost two months. It's just getting worse. Returning to work was wonderful. At work, I must always remember that I am the doctor and not the patient. As I tried to explain to a patient yesterday that at age 77 he need not worry too much about the prospect of prostate cancer he interrupted, "Stop right there, Doc, I plan on living to 107, don't you?" I stopped myself from saying what I wanted to, and instead said, "That's a great goal, don't ever give it up."
In the past, every time I felt really sick I would wonder, 'will I get better?' I always did. I have to believe that I will.
Health Score 62